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Thursday, December 22nd, 2011
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I am happy where the people are giving and forgiving, the communication is implicit and simplistic, and often intentions are simply understood without words. I take solace in hearts that are in pain but still find the compassion to give, ones that can love without conditions and live without regret, ones that can express their inner darkness without reserve or fear of judgement. I will never tire of the spirits who are horrible and humble but never give up hope or ambition. I seek continuous movement and continuous learning in all things I do and love implicitly those around me that do the same.
These are the people who make me happy.
Why then do I pursue something else to complete me? Why am I _in love_ with confusion and complications, 1000 words that mean nothing at all, reactions that in no way reflect intentions? Why do I yearn for something that will more likely destroy me than make me happy?
The simple answer is that without movement there is never growth. I never want to become stagnant; I want to grow every day. Something I never really been able to explain before but have always know to be true is continual movement is the most important thing to have in life. I am happy and content with many people in my life and have love for a great number of them. What I need in my life is somebody that takes me out of my comfort zone and makes me grow. Somebody that forces a contrary point of view on life on me and enables me to see how another group of people in this world move.
I want to spend my life with somebody that makes me unhappy?
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Saturday, November 15th, 2003
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I finally deleted my Ex from my phone list tonight. I haven't wanted to delete it so far, because I didn't want it to be out of spite or being hurt...
I saw it in the list tonight and realized that it was just taking out space... Finally, without emotion.
Cadillac, Jack-a-lack, Crazy-Ass-Man.
To every-one out there still reading it.
Simple Smiles Always.
P.S. Hi Winterwolf... I never seem to see ya when your online. Every purchased account gets 5 free accounts. My friend gave me their 5/5 free accounts.
P.S. Thanks Butterbee!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, October 18th, 2003
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Of course I'm mean the Voodoo....
B & H (Sean) looking to get laid... A blast from the past... Butterbee... (You got me dancing for the fist time)... Almost 1 year with Jackie (Gotta think of something romantic for the day.) Clients galore. The roof's gonna be on fire tonight honey.
I don't understand why, but I gotta be drunk to write here now.
(As Jackie passes me my poems.)
Here's another one.
(Well I can't read the good one... Will post later.)
Here's another one.
The Randomness of something which is certain... An oxymoron? A contrast of two such different things? A suspension of disbelief is sometimes required to fully disregard some thought, some momentum. To believe in something which is certain is the ultimate in satisfaction.... Or so may say.
Randomness, however is the taking of satisfaction no matter what the outcome. A single line of regression through so many points of situations in which the outcome has been random, still can draw a line, at least, most of the time, in a certain direction, Or is it the certain line which drives the randomness?? I would have to say no. Since there can be Randomness without certainty. Random is the concept of a possible relation, and only that; more of the time it is anything and everything else, depending on the situation.
I feel a push, movement in a certain direction, although undefined by myself, to randomness in every certainty.
(Simple Smiles Always)
Thanks for reading, thanks for listening, I really hate Pink's new song Troubled, I'm really horny, I need to dance all night, I need the essence of movement, I need to just relax... I need to make more sense of what necessity brings, I am loved and I love, I want to explode.
Randomness??? or Movement in a defined direction???
"I didn't hit them very hard officer."
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Saturday, August 2nd, 2003
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The last one didn't really suit the mood.
The question is ...
Not, how much you know...
But, it is, How you show it.
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Seems the only time I write here anymore is when I visit the Voodoo. Guess it because of who started me here... Oh well... Nothing really new to report... (Still love Jill Sobule - I kissed a girl)
Well heres another of my old writings.
Sept 16 / 98
The test of life is not the examination of the totality of what one single person has learned, but the ability for that person to cope with that which they know. There is no estimation of how a single person will react in a moment of crisis until that person experiences it. No one can know what a man will do when his wife has a pistol pointed at her head until it happens. It is at this moment when the test occurs. It is in this moment in which the decision is made to love life or experience death.
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Another One... (Jan 11, 2001)
"If you build it they will come.", she said...
"But what should I tell them", I said...
"Show them you aspirations and your direction and they will love you.", she said...
"Why should they follow; Why would they care to understand; Why will they listen?", he said.
"You have something they they can not have... This is why they will come.", she said.
"To what end?", he said.
"TO Movement"
(Thanks Crystal for reminding me how long it's been since I've written here.)
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Saturday, April 26th, 2003
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I need someone with as much vision as I have technical abilities... Any takers?
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, April 19th, 2003
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Yes... It's been a while... Death Valley Queen on the playlist and I prepare for the Voodoo on a Saturday night with my best girl Jackie aka Jessica.
Simple Smiles Always.
Sometimes they are wider than others...
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wow... Twice in one hour --> Voodoo, pool & dancing. This must be the climax of my life. I'm plesantly buzzed but not drunk... Thanks Jackie!
(Simple Smiles Always)
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Saturday, March 22nd, 2003
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Is it possible to experience passion from normailty? Why is it that we are never satisfied with what we have, no matter HOW good it gets. Why are standards so dynamic?
"We choose to go to the moon... Not because it is easy... But because it is hard."
I feel a loving memory permiating my conciousness and I know that if my present ever becomes a memory I will desire it as well.
But to what end?
Have I really lived over half my life in my first 20 years?
Solitude comes from never being content.
Why do I feel so alone with so many friends and lovers?
What makes me feel discontent with myself when I have so much?
Perhaps it was when the Drop of Juipter fell.
With arms wide open, I embrace the future but still cling to the constancies in my life.
My thoughts have fell on the page. Discontent, Solitude, Constancy, Passion.
Still I have no regrets...
Under the darkness and the sunlight -> *Simple Smiles Always*
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Saturday, March 8th, 2003
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| Time: | 10:07 pm. |
| Mood: |  exanimate. |
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I feeling a little Hawaiian Tonight...
Off to Voodoo I goooooooooo...
Nooooooooooo...
There is no help for me now.
Never underestimate the power of a strangers wisdom.
Always embrace the moment.
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Saturday, February 22nd, 2003
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A planned and unplanned birth about to happen...
A book about a son leaving Idaho...
An episode... Phoebe gets back together with her mother...
A page from my grandmother at 7:00 in the morning...
I am my mothers son.
There is something to be said about parent child relationships; Although, I just can't put my finger on it right now.
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Friday, February 21st, 2003
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There IS a right & wrong answer to making the correct decision. The best decision is that which maximizaes the benefits of all parties involved. It is like a multi-dimensional graph of each individuals preferences. The CORRECT decision is one which plots a line of best fit through each preference, minimizing the deviation about each point. (regardless of who's point it is)
You can NOT teach a person to think dynamically and with a broad / opened mind winthin a structured and constrictive environment.
You can not make the best decision when you can not see each parties point of view.
Therefore the manager who makes the best decision is the person who takes in to account the maximum amount of relecant information humanly possible and properly evaluates that information relative to that information's point of view, so far as that piece of information positively correlates with your goals in the long run.
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| Time: | 10:04 pm. |
| Mood: | introspective. |
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Another One...
I held the book tightly...
And she smiled.
It was the last meaningful part of her left for me. It was the essence of beauty.
And all she could say is that some day I will hurt someone and it will come back to me. I took my bag, took my binder, took a precious sheet of paper, (just as you see before you now), I took my pen and I wrote this.
"I wish I cared enought not to care!"
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Wednesday, February 19th, 2003
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| Time: | 6:13 pm. |
| Mood: |  amused. |
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One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
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Monday, February 3rd, 2003
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| Time: | 11:52 am. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. |
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Why so many faces???
I like to be a very straight forward guy. I've actually consciously work on making sure I am not mis-understood. It seems to me that more honest I am with a person, the more difficult the relationship becomes. Being a unique person I can accept that many people will not share my thoughts and views, but please people... Tell me. I have no time to waste with feigned interest.
People put on your faces to be more accepted by the masses, but to me, be yourself. I will accept you, and better, if we share common viewpoints, be your friend.
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Sunday, February 2nd, 2003
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All that she said was that, "I wish you wouldn't talk to me when I'm drunk."
All that I said was that, "I wish you would talk to me when I'm sober"
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Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
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| Time: | 7:00 pm. |
| Mood: | accomplished. |
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The day was long and eventfull, both professionally and personally. Many happy customers, one not so happy one. Why cant you please all the people all the time?
As I stood talking on the phone and breaking down cardboard boxes today, a thought ented my mind. "Never take anything for granted." is all it said.
Past 4 nights have been bar nights... 20+ games of pool played.
I find myself smiling as I prepare for Pool League Night.
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| Time: | 12:34 am. |
| Mood: |  angry. |
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To have a child without being "prepared" (i.e. having fully thought it through, financially, emotionally) leads me to believe that the child is a rope to tie the two people together. Actually creating something with a partner (not necessarily a child, but really any creation -- terms for a different discussion) makes it much more difficult to seperate. Un-prepared parenthood bothers me because a child needs emotional cultivation to grow. How much cultivation can a child get when they're brought into the world to cultivate a relationship?
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prariefire's journal
sleepy.